Monday, October 26, 2009

Martha vs Maxine

Martha Stewart vs Maxine

Martha - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine - Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine - Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

Martha - If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ’fix-me-up.’

Maxine - If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Martha - Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine - Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine - The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

Martha - Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! ALL your pains will go away!

Martha - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine - Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha - Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine - Leftover wine???????????HELLO!!!!!!!

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